Coping with Erectile Dysfunction Book Review

Note: I do NOT receive any kind of commissions or have any affiliate relationship with the companies whose products I review. I'm independent. Any biases I have come from 20 years of helping guys resolve their ED.

What is 'Coping with Erectile Dysfunction?'

The book is authors Barry McCarthy and Michael Metz's take on how to resolve psychological ED. They see ED as a complex condition affected by physical, psychological and relationship issues. The book offers a comprehensive approach for regaining erectile function, building strong relationships and having great sex.

What does 'Coping with Erectile Dysfunction' offer?

The book does a thorough job of covering -

• Myths and realities of erectile dysfunction
• Causes and effects of ED
• Tools for assessing your ED
• Specific strategies and exercises for resolving psychological ED
• Detailed solo and couples exercises for building confidence, pleasure and arousal
• Lots of good example stories as well

Key Ideas from 'Coping with Erectile Dysfunction'

• Relaxation is the foundation for sexual response and erections
• Perfectionism is the enemy of sexuality
• Couples who adopt a broader, more flexible approach to sex will have a better sex life
• Good sex is about pleasure and intimacy, not performance
• 85% of your sex will involve intercourse. For the other 15% you can do other, non-intercourse, erotic play
• Your partner plays an active role in getting your ED problem solved
• Thoughts, feelings and behaviors can influence one another in complicated ways
• You have to think about sex in terms of pleasure, self esteem, and intimacy as well as good enough erections

What I liked about 'Coping with Erectile Dysfunction'

Overall, I think this is a great book for someone who has a supportive partner and plenty of time to work through the exercises together. McCarthy and Metz do a great job of hammering home the point that intercourse isn't EVERYTHING and guys don't NEED to perform PERFECTLY every time.

The fundamental idea that "the man has to assume responsibility for adopting a new model for sexual pleasure and arousal while the couple works together to rebuild the comfort and confidence with directions" is great. Really positive.

It's very readable - plain language for the most part without being too chummy.

Based on what I've seen in my work with clients, I'd say it offers some good basic tools that will work for a lot of guys, especially those with shorter term or relationship-driven issues.

I also like that it's nuanced. They very much recognize that sexuality is a complex experience shared by a couple When they say, "If you’ve picked up this book, hoping for a quick and easy cure...you’ve picked the wrong book," I think it's great, especially in this era of quick fixes.

The passage helping guys identify detrimental behaviors and change them beneficial behaviors is probably worth the price of the book on its own. Super solid IMHO. Some of the exercises to help identify the underlying sexuality/relationship issues seem very solid as well.

Also solid was the emphasis on the couple's sex life beyond the ED. Once the problem is solved, how do you continue with a fulfilling sex life and avoid relapses. Good info there as well.

What I didn't like about 'Coping with Erectile Dysfunction'

There wasn't much I actually disliked or disagreed with in the book. It's more a matter of all the guys it likely won't help.

It's probably not going to be much of a help to you if -

• You're single. You might get some benefit out of having your ideas and beliefs around sex and erections challenged for sure, but the exercises are pretty much all designed for couples.
• Your partner isn't supportive/willing to do the exercises with you. Ditto. Again, it's a very couples-oriented book.
• You're dealing with some deeper issues. They're very clear in the book that it isn't going to help everyone. For a lot of guys, just reading a book isn't enough to help them resolve the deeper issues that drive their ED.
• Straights CBT-style "thought-replacement exercises don't work for everyone

Beyond that, there were a few of relationship exercises I was a little skeptical about (wait, do I really have to name my penis?!). It could be a little on the dry side at points. It's repetitive for sure, but based on my experience, most guys with ED need to hear the basic message repeatedly. So not great for reading enjoyment, but useful in terms of driving the point home.

A few folks on Amazon have accused the book of being heteronormative. I'd cut the authors some slack. It was written in 2004. Pronouns aside, I didn't see anything in the content/exercises that wouldn't apply for non-hetero couples.

What others say about 'Coping with Erectile Dysfunction'

• "For less than the cost of two pills, this book is a great investment." Check out Forward's Coping with Erectile Dysfunction book review.
• The Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Therapy gave it their Seal of Merit" award in 2011

• As of 11/23 on Amazon:

• As of 11/23 on Goodreads:

'Coping with Erectile Dysfunction' is best for guys with ED who -

• don't have deeper issues or a trauma history
• are in good relationships
• have the patience to read a book
• are willing to to take the time to do exercises

Price

$21.95 cover price, $18.95 on Amazon as of 4/2024.

BOTTOM LINE:

If you're a fit, I'd recommend it for sure.

Who cares what I think?

Great question! I'm not a doctor, psychologist or sex therapist. But I have been helping guys resolve ED issues with hypnotherapy and coaching for over 20 years. I've seen the really wide variety of ways guys can 'do' their ED issues. I've got experience with all kinds of ways to get things solved. Plus I have a lot of opinions.